Across the globe her story is told, shared and experienced for the world to know. No arrest has been made. They steal, laugh and brag conducting their evil crusade. She’s left alone to pick up the pieces of her life. Some how, some way, one day someone will call her, his wife… But not today.
My girlfriend, my bestie, my Netty was raped and held against her will for 6 days by a group of men who took their turn in having their way. They kidnapped Netty and ravished her body leaving her beaten and bleeding on a dirty mattress in an abandon building located in Brooklyn. They made her do the unthinkable. This cynical attack left a mental and physical scar which will imbrue her soul for the rest of her life. This shameful stain is obviously embedded and ingrained. The event taints her/his future. Everyone is affected and all will pay without warning. Only another woman can understand and relate to Netty’s experience. Needless to say, when Netty was a child she was molested by her stepfather.
The Cancer in her breast begin to spread.
How do you know if the woman you love, dating or interested in, has experienced such a traumatizing event? How can we, as men, make women feel comfortable enough to share their story? Can we kiss away the pain? What are the signs, signals and symbols that reveal or depict a picture of remorse and despair? How can the caring men ease the pain and suffering?
Is it naive to think it’s possible? How can we make love to her and not think she is experiencing the event over and over again mentally? Does she transport herself to another world while sharing the same bed? How can we touch her without her flinching? Can the words we use trigger a frightful memory?
Please, I beg of you to share with me your thoughts. Is there a solution? I’m afraid my sweet Netty will never be the same. Can I be the blame?
So tell us. What is the rule to speak to a woman while in the street? It’s that grey area, the sweet and salty feeling a man experiences when he makes eye contact with her on the street. It’s that pit in our stomach that tells us to keep our mouth closed. It’s often pondered about what could be possibly on her mind after he smiles, speaks and says, hello or good morning.
Some men prepare to embrace that awful knot of rejection while others can’t handle it. Her agitated facial expression speaks volumes that creates a rough turbulence to the ego which is felt due to her rejection from his tasteless and parenthetic innuendos. Now he feels he has to show her a thing or two. Why did she roll her eyes? Why couldn’t she speak or return a kind gesture? Why does it feel like I’ve disgust her in a way as if I had violated her without permission? The awful web we weave ourselves.
The bathroom mirror becomes fogged due to the steam from the running hot water. Her body aches and burn from the bumps and bruises. She slides down and shrinks in the water and covers her face. She doesn’t answer the knock on the bathroom door. There’s isn’t any soap invented to remove the stench from off her skin. She can’t wash nor scrub her body hard enough. The water seems to never be hot enough to remove that yucky and icky feeling between her legs. Her reputation is on the line. She blames herself for walking down those dark subway steps leading to and from the train station.
How dirty and filthy she must feel after a man visually then physically grope her body without her permission. To be looked upon as an object instead as a person induces tremendous pain. She can still hear their voices in her head. The smell of them is still fresh in her nostrils. Nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable, vulnerable and overpowered. The thoughts of balancing the scales come to mind. Action is called for the desperate need to feel safe and secure.
In some cultures women are a second thought. Many women must walk behind the man and search for reasons to be “necessary” and to be of “value” to the society as well to the family unit. As a child, quite often she is discarded, cast off to the side of the road or placed in an orphanage. Many women are abused and neglected, silently. For some of these men have multiple wives. These men may feel entitled or privileged. They come as they go and do as they please.
To live with a rape victim and to address its aftermath becomes a prison of emotional instability. To devalue her, to make her feel small and weak doesn’t mend the wound. It aggravates the situation causing the relationship to hemorrhage leaving both parties on opposite sides of the room and in critical condition.
Men are chiefly responsible for the rape of women and the land she symbolizes. The ripples of her fear transcends gender and ethnicity. It’s the physical harm, the financial, social, reproductive and spiritual harm that is at play. The social conditioning that occurs and affect children yet to be born.
The goal should be to chip away a tiny tip of an enormous sexist iceberg. The threat of an avalanche of anger is at a foot. There’s tremendous ground to be covered and addressed. Dialogue under such conditions between men and women is far over due.
To play along merely to get along until she can make her get away to safety is an understatement. The shame, regret and remorse is embarrassing. To be intimidated and humiliated. To be berated. To be abused, assaulted or raped by someone you know is like living in the twilight zone. To witness and to experience such violation has to be a nightmare. How inappropriate, how thoughtless and how threatening can we be when addressing our precious women as she bites her tongue to avoid a beat down.
The fear is real. The mental and verbal aggression is real. The heartfelt stories and the tears that fall from her face is evident. The pervasive actions against perceived threats that may or may not be present, is haunting. We are living in a rape culture. Some of the world’s industries of music, movies and the arts fail to bridge the gap to make a difference. In fact, in many ways it has widen an unaddressed void of our society’s problems and issues.
He was determined to make good on his promise as cornered her in the pantry as soon as he’d had the chance to do so. The goal was to get a cheap feel and to steal a kiss that wasn’t warranted. He grabs her, laughing saying, “When are you going to let me see how those hips move? Let me have a little taste of that sweet shyt?” She’s reminded by him that her review/evaluation is due and her yearly bonus is pending upon her decision. How quick he is to call her a bitch if she doesn’t like what comes out his mouth, ducks and run for cover.
It all starts at home. He’s the repeat offender of domestic violence transforming into a serial rapist. He’s the disrespectful and obnoxious male at the office with total disregard of the most basic human rights of others. He’s the creep at the night club who grabs a quick cheap feel in a crowd. He’s the one on the subway standing next to the pole trying to get his rub on from a female passenger’s butt. He’s the spineless individual who’s in constant violation of the female species. When called out he shrugs it off as a simple misunderstanding.
At the workplace she ignores his sexual advancements and looks the other way to avoid being fired by her supervisor. While in the public, she crosses the street to avoid danger and confrontation from the dealers that stand and hang-out on the corner. Walking to the car at night becomes an special event obstacle course. He’s known not to be able handle her rejection. She has no protection.
She told him she was married but that wasn’t the case. She came up with the excuse hoping he’d leave her alone but that didn’t happen. The dreadful bag search for the keys that seems to take forever to find. Her heart pounds in her mouth. Feeling uneasy and nervous. Should she speak on it or let it ride then slide and hide into darkness? The things some women must think about before they walk out the door.
Women are the most important natural resource on our planet. The survival and well being of any nation depends greatly on the shape of it’s woman. Women, all women who give birth to a people should be recognized for all of her greatness. She is chiefly responsible for the birth of a new nation. Women posses the power to bring about a much needed change and should be allowed to do so for the sake of humanity.
All life spring forth from she… Women are the root of the tree. Separate the root from the tree and the tree dies. It’s simple math.
Its agreed that women deal with sexism from men on an unwanted level where some men could never imagine nor comprehend. We should talk about her frustration, living in fear and her suppressed anger because the environment of her unreleased eggs within her ovaries depend greatly upon it. The proper conditions for her must be in place, today for a brighter tomorrow.
Think about it. Look at the sad shape our world is currently undergoing. Now look at the shape of our women on the collective. There’s a direct correlation. Some men, not all, may rarely think about the rape culture we reside and in our collective silence are condoning these attacks.
This conversation is almost absent among the round table discussion of men. This is not a common discussion at the barber shop. Do men view themselves as being condescending or belittling? Will any man admit to being insensitive to her suffering?
What are your thoughts?
He Raped Me
Heaven is at the foot of Mother…