When You Think You’re A Man

When You Think You’re A Man

When a grown ass woman calls you her boyfriend, she’s in desperate need of a “Man” and you’re not it.

How the light shines too brightly and it’s real in the field but you keep it real stupid groping in the dark, in search of the reset button.

This is not a game.

Knowing the difference between real and reel, is priceless.

When You Think You’re A Man

As the hamster wheel keeps turning in your pea size brain keep in mind,

If you are dumb and your woman is dumber you both will only create stupidity.

Do the world a favor and listen to the little invisible man sitting on your left shoulder telling you to kill yourself.

When you cheat on yourself by taking the shortcut route in life, ending up with shortcut results,

Having nothing to show for it, and while you’re standing at the end of your

Colorless rainbow with that dumb look on your face asking yourself what just happened.

How you thought you were doing something by leaving your mothers house and moving in with your girlfriend.

That’s called leaving one mother, bouncing to another mother and needing someone else to take care of you.

What do you have to offer a woman when your name is not on the lease?

When You Think You’re A Man

You call yourself a man but you never created and maintained a “Nest of Your Own” and you

Really don’t have an idea of what it takes to furnish your own place and keep your

Refrigerator/cabinets stocked with food but you’ve seen it done on television.

Let’s see, you have Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and Twitter but you don’t have

A pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out and you can barely take care of yourself.

But you be flossin’ thou.

You shouldn’t think of dating a woman because you know

Good and damn well you have little to nothing to offer her, except game.

When It’s Real In The Field

That feeling you have after you discover your ex is sleeping with one of your friends and she allows

Him to fold and hold her legs behind the back of her ears and neck as he digs her shit out.

That’s when you remember her legs barely touched or wrapped around your

Butt, never stretched as high and she never let you go for the gusto.

That only means her shit was never yours, homie.

Now close your mouth and pick up your face from off the floor and place it back carefully and slowly walk away.

When you’re in desperate need of a breath mint and your women gives you the whole pack

like an assist with godly advice attached,

“Don’t chew it. Let it float around in your mouth for awhile until it’s all gone.”

When You Think You’re A Man

When you ask your woman to give you head and your designer skinny jeans are too tight,

Your nut sack sweats, itches and stinks but you be smiling thinking to yourself, “I be saggin’ thou.”

When you lose your girl to another women, after she just had your kids

And you try your best to act like it doesn’t hurt nor does it mess with your mind.

When you’re one paycheck or one argument from being homeless and

The uncertain pressure of having one foot in and one foot out the door

has you eating humble pie like a mutherphucker.

When your standing in a puddle of your own piss, with snot bubbles coming out of your nose,

Crying because she just kicked your sorry ass to the curb and you’re knocking on your mothers door to let you in.

When your belief system is reduced to, “it’s cheaper to keep her” only prove you wasn’t shit in the first place.

When You Think You’re A Man

When you tell your boys you can’t hang out tonight because you have to babysit your kids.

You don’t babysit your children. That’s called being a responsible loving father.

When You Think You’re A Man

When a relationship is 100/100 and you’re holding back 50%

And you have that stupid look on your face

When she asks you the name of the other

Women you’re holding back the other 50% for.

When you’re handed a couchie coupon that you never seem to be able to

Cash which leaves you with that cheap feeling you can’t trust her with nothing.

When you think you’re a man but you’re not.

When You Think You’re A Woman

That very moment when he urinates on your forehead and tells you

It‘s raining and you leave the house without an umbrella.

When you get the next man to buy you expensive shoes, diamonds and designer

Hand bags, fly you outside the country and you can’t afford it on your own

but you call yourself, independent.

How quick you are to prove your point by “Closing the Candy Shop” because

Your sad ass don’t know another way to win the argument nor to effectively get your point across.

When You Think You’re A Woman

When you know you’re cute and the line is long for your love

Simply because of what’s between your legs, not what’s upstairs inside your brain.

How your temper is too short and you’re quick to throw up both of your hands,

but you desire to be in a lasting relationship.

How free99 becomes a brand and it’s always a good day when you get your way.

When You Think You’re A Woman

When your bubble is bootylicious and you count the number of free drinks and

Food you receive while at the club/bar then laugh & brag about it with your friends.

How you paid for your new set of girls, your new hair weave,

and nobody has to know after you relocate.

Are those eyes really yours or do you have the receipt?

But you want him to tell you the truth when you’re a visual lie.

When You Think You’re A Woman

How you never have to worry about paying for shit because you know what you have between

Your legs is your best ace of spades to have as jokers are wild serves as the great silent bargaining chip.

**When you cheat on yourself by taking the shortcut route in life, ending up with shortcut results,**