The Majors & The Ostrich

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Everybody has the unthinkable happen to them throughout the course of their lives. Whether it be an outlook on life, children or adults who experience some sort of violation opposed on them against their will such as a sex act, finding themselves homeless or going without food and being hungry.  One can order a deal of a meal when at their favorite takeout restaurant only to discover the guy who makes minimum wage had forgotten to place your French Fries or Apple Pie in the bag while at the Drive-Thru.  We all know what happens to you at the Drive-Thru, don’t we?

They Phuck You At The Drive-Thru…

the drive thru

Where’s My Sprinkles?

Close your eyes and envision two human figures displaying the raw reality of Giant Corporation’s legal ability to mind phuck its customer’s in a great Shakespearean style of speech. Now open your eyes because it’s best to at least to see it coming. Just pump your brakes and brace yourself before you cut the honey mustard and never say you haven’t been warned before you find yourself bent over a barrel and some strange looking and bad smelling guy shows you the 50 states.

Taking it

The Majors & The Ostrich

How $199 Can Cost $749:

Ah, the Ostrich effect… Picture a man with is pants down around his ankles, his facial expression describes a horrific story; embracing the pain, bending over as his knees buckle from each thrust, with his hands across his mouth and his eye lids pinned to the top of his forehead while his butt cheeks involuntarily spread, exposing to the world, for only God herself knows what is in stored.  Good grief.  I know, it’s a bit graphic but you get the picture.

the majors

The Majors & The Ostrich

This is soon after he receives a letter in the mail, enclosed a statement of his cell phone bill, shortly after he has breached his contract.  After seeing the vendor’s final judgment he tries to laugh then he immediately lets out a cry and at the same time he notices that ole familiar smell, as he discovered he just charted on himself.  It’s been a few months and at first he thought it was the bathroom that needed to be cleaned, but no it was him smelling like that.

First, the room turns red, then the lights go out and everything turns Black. He hears the dragging foot steps of a Major Vendor creeping up from behind.  He feels a body cavity aiming dead center at the wet stuff dripping from his pants. He assumes the position and waits for it.

Wait For It

Wait For It…

Picture the same poor gentlemen’s neck stretch, cartoon style, while bending his body over a acme toilet bowl which turns into a echoing bottomless pit as he slams his head into the hole filled with horse manure, ostrich style, exposing his backside to a unforgettable pain of no relief in the near future. This is the position you’ll find yourself in as soon as you struggle to make your first payment and that’s not mud on your face, either.

It’s getting late, very early… The next day he’s found picking himself up from off the floor mumbling to himself about a turtleneck coming out to play along with a pain he will never forget. I tell ya, consumers must love to dance, doing that ole famous one, two step. When will we ever learn? You don’t charge into a battle running backwards. They must love it or they like being in that barrel position as they take it up the rear by the Majors and we’re not even talking about baseball.




Heaven is at the foot of Mother…

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