I Don’t Need You


She pays the light bill, the food, the car note, her student loan, the gas and the rent. All from one paycheck. She thinks to herself, why are you here? Other than making babies what is he good for?

mother and child

I Don’t Need You

Your woman doesn’t smile at you like she use to anymore.  There’er times you don’t even know whom she has transformed into lately.  Last night the television was on and despite the noise you swore you heard her whisper another person’s name in her sleep.  You dare not awake her in fear of the worst but when you do get up enough nerve to question her about it the expression on her face is as if you’ve just presented to her a cancelled check.

Your woman is dressing sharper now and a little more sexier; revealing some of her precious goods for the world to ponder and visually grope.  The new perfume has her smelling a little more sweeter now, as she heads out the door in the morning, for work.  The scent of her perfume reminds him of the days when they first met back when they were dating.  There was a day when she bragged about him.  Now she’s quick to air out his dirty laundry in public and place it on front street allowing her friends and family to interfere in their personal affairs.  The all too familiar signs come to front of the end, as the proverbial pigeons fly over the coop.

can we talk

I Don’t Need You

Your women’s voice is heavy as she sprints out in front of you to bring home the Whole Wheat Bread, the Turkey Bacon and the Country Crock Butter.  The expression of frustration on her face is crystal clear.  With reversed roles taking place in the household women are finding themselves pulling most of the weight and carrying the load previously endured by men.

She comes home from work later now and dares for you to question her whereabouts.  The man shrinks and with one foot in while the other foot is out of the house he gets familiar with a pillow, the couch, the remote control and a bottle of lotion.  He instantly finds himself a paycheck too short.

Despite of being a pay stub from being homeless he’s also one argument from being homeless. Therefore, she expects him, the poor excuse of a man that he has become, to cook the food she buys, wash the clothes, pickup the kids, clean the house, help with the homework and to make sure he has her dinner ready by the time she gets home from work. After all that’s the least he could do.

What was the vacuum that created such a shift in this role reversal and why is there a division causing hearts to harden?


I Don’t Need You

With a college degree in hand and a little money in her pocket her mouth becomes uncontrollable as her head moves from side to side, rolling her eye to the back of her head with the infamous hand on hip.

As she looks at him with disapproving eyes, looking at him from head to toe, staring him up and down, she is quick to show him the door, letting him know exactly how to open that door if he doesn’t like his situation. In fact, she’s willing to open the door for him and help him pack his bags should he act up and lose his natural cotton picking mind.

The woman feels entitled and empowered. She is smart enough to graduate from collage but fails to grasp the system old social tact long before the days of Claudine and the visiting social worker; the destruction of the Black family.  Is she a pawn in this game of chess? Has the pawn graduated into a King? Or is the man simply lazy, dead weight and shiftless?  Is there something underlining that calls for a closer examination of the truth?

Over the past few decades, have our woman’s femininity been tampered with? Has the man’s masculinity been compromised? Whose fault is it? Is this shift in role playing a accident? Did something happen in our society to produce such an imbalance in the household or is it by design? Is there a bigger picture? Is there a hidden agenda at hand? Is there a little man behind the certain? Or, are men just trippin and need to get their act together? Are men becoming obsolete; a thing of the past?

What’s wrong with Mary’s Joe?  What’s wrong with Sabrina’s Kevin? Why can’t Malik and Jyson support his family like the men of the past? Is this progress? Is this a step forward; women no longer needing a man, only needing one another? How can we collectively overcome one of our most difficult obstacle in our lives right in our own backyard?

As Marvin Gaye once said, “What’s Going On?” Inquiring minds would like to know? What are your thoughts?


Heaven is at the foot of Mother…

19 comments on “I Don’t Need You”

  1. In my view, this role reversal is down to 2 things 1. just women evolving from the stay at home mums, we have more rights and opportunities some of us exercise them and move forward leaving ( some) or a certain TYPE of men behind. I know I know, it has also been said that women like Beyonce are to blame for this new attitude some women have, independent don’t need a man blah blah blah- it’s all about balance. It is important to be able, capable and fend for yourself, and I think any man who finds this a turn off is really threatened more than anything, that a women can do for herself if need be.

    This attitude should be balanced with allowing a man to be a man as well. And men must remember, if you come across a women who can do for herself it does not mean she don’t need a man …. she just don’t need a certain TYPE of man. Some women have goals, dreams, visions and we go out and make them happen don’t mean we don’t need you we just don’t need a certain TYPE of you.

    2. Some men just don’t have their s*hit together sadly it’s that simple and we are forced to take on the traditional role of a man, due to the opportunities out there mentioned for us in point 1 can do it, and thank god! As if you’re unfortunate enough to find out that you’re with a man who long term can’t get himself together and you need to take on the ”traditional man’s role”, then it’s a good thing that you can hold the fort especially when there are children involved.

    I was raised by a single mother, taught me a lot. As a mother now my upbringing by a single mother from this there is a lot of stuff I wish to show my son about life and women so he does not turn out to be the TYPE of man a women may look at and feel like ”dam I don’t need this type of man in my life” because he feels threatened by her strength rather than empowered by it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good stuff in your comment… I’m working a double today and will reply shortly. I love the feed back thou. I do think there’re all types of men just as there’re all types of women that are desirable and non-desirable. The above was about one particular group of woman and her collective point of view. People can’t blame the fool for being the fool. The person who chooses the fool should look deeply into themselves. The person that stays with a fool, well… It is what it is. You’ve made some points I’d like to address and will add to my comment shortly. (Cloud bubble to self… I want a woman to love not one I feel like I’m in competition with). We are suppose to compliment each other. In fact, we are suppose to complement each other’s weaknesses and amplify one another’s strengths.

    I’ll be back soon. Thanks for your reply.


    Heaven is at the foot of Mother…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The grip of society…

    There’s no argument in my book women have suffered the most and has overcome the greatest obstacles put before them by men. Yet women still have to fight for equal pay for equal work prove that something is very wrong. Why is that?

    You are correct. Having a balance is key. It’s important but a balance of what? A woman that can do for herself is sexy to me. If she has a “Ain’t nothing going on but the rent” attitude then that’s a turn off and now I’m window shoppin’.

    The person who find themselves threatened is cavemanish in character. Instead, they should reflect, look in the mirror, relate, embrace it and move with that reality.

    Hum… (Don’t need a certain TYPE of man/TYPE of you). I guess this is may be why some black men only date white women. They don’t want or need that certain TYPE of woman/TYPE of you. And what wrong with you? For the most part, NOTHING.

    True, some men don’t have our shyt together. There are also women that don’t fall short of this category. This leads us back to the need of equal balance. Of same yoke… It’s that simple. Well,, not really (Another topic). I think part of it is in what a person demands from another person and what you see before you chose to get involve with that person.

    When a woman has a son (Sun) this become her opportunity to play a major role in his upbringing ensuring a respectful young man society can be proud of. (Nobody looking at him and calling him the “N” word) You are his first love. His, first experience with a woman, her touch, her tone, her kiss and her love leaves an impression. His experience with you determines how he relates with women of the world.

    When a woman has a son (Sun), her reflection this become her opportunity to play a major role in his upbringing ensuring a respectful young man society can be proud of. (Nobody looking at him and calling him the “N” word) You are his first love. His, first experience with a woman, her touch, her tone, her kiss and her love leaves a lasting impression. His experience with you determines how he relates with women of the world.

    The same can be said about a Father and his daughter. If he is present he will witness a life changing experience. When a man sees his child being born into the world. Right from the start there is a great appreciation of a woman’s magnificence. This is his opportunity to play a part in how the world will view his baby girl. No matter how old she will always be baby girl. He is her first love, her superman who can do no wrong. Baby girl view the world of men based on her vision of her dad and all he has poured into her. If any…


    Heaven is at the foot of Mother…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. OK so I’m back. Your ”cavemanish” view is interesting, what makes a man develop this view point? Why do you feel some men have this POV in this day and age, how does this come about?

    I’d agree about the relationship between a mother and son ( sun) and how it can shape a young boy’s relationship with females in general; that’s why my relationship with my boy is so important to me. Do you think a poor relationship with a mother can add to why some men have a cavemanish POV or struggle with seeing a women ” doing for herself”.

    When I said ” we don’t need that TYPE of man” I meant one that has a problem with a women who can and does do for herself ( if need be) you called it a turn on but trust me some find it a real struggle, to the point where they actually believe/blame a women’s independence on damaging a relationship. Even if she does not have the ” nothing going on but the rent” attitude!

    This whole idea of ” the man of the house” has for years fascinated me, WHY can 2 people just not be equal why does a man feel that he needs to be the head or ” man of the house”?

    Overall, I feel that men sometimes needs to not take a women’s attitude towards her independence as ” we don’t need you” it is not just in a financial respect that we need you or how you can show you’re ” a man” there are other ways to meet a women’s needs not linked to finance… the emotional connection is just as important. Just sayin’!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s embedded in the three major religions (Judaism, Christianity and Islam) God/Jesus and the holy spirit. These are all masculine aspects all rolled up into one. It’s embedded in our national conscious fiber. You have the UK, Great Britain and England all separate but when the court calls onto the Queen she has to appear dressed as a servant. This is very telling. In America women are still waiting for the first woman president. Moving forward… The man sits at the “head” of the table. Think about who was King James and what did he do? What was he responsible for and who did he love?

      Cavemanish: Archie Bunker still is alive and well across the globe. It is so hard out there where some men turn gay to get ahead in life. They too like women are non-threatening. They are easily to control and to be manipulated. Just because it’s 2016 people have to remember slavery in America was not too long ago. We still have slavery today across the globe. One can see it also as finical slavery.

      Time has changed and as time has changed so does our collective point of view. Many of us men are still think like to people that captured us and conquered us.

      My mother was not my first love. It was my grandmother who raised me. I later learned to love my mother. My mother was the first woman that hurt me. I never forgave her for it. The pain that she caused affected me for my entire life and I didn’t even realize it at the time.

      I was my grandmother’s golden child. When I was 15 I had fallen in love with a Jamaican goddess. I had gotten a 13 year old girl in the family way. Me being a Yankee Boy her family called for a round table discussion and came to the conclusion that an abortion was the best thing to do. I was not wanted by her family, this was my first encounter of racism from my own people. This disturbed me greatly. My mother made me tell my grandmother “what I did” showing my grandmother that I was not the golden child she thought she had. I never seen my grandmother cry before and to know that I was the one to make tears fall from her eyes left me devastated and shamed. I had to ask my grandmother for savings bonds to pay for it.

      I didn’t realize that this would have a lasting affect on my entire life; thinking abortion is a way of getting out of “trouble”. But I’m a fan of love and I love deep and hard. I take a lost deeply. No man has been able to hurt me like a woman has hurt me. I never let a man get that close to me. I don’t trust men. Men, we are chiefly responsible for the mass confusion of the world.

      The Bravo Channel is full of women doing for themselves. In many ways they crush men as men crushed women of the past. OWN allow women to “exhale” and have a space of their own. There’s no balance because the gap is so wide.

      Yes, it’s a turn on. I like it. It’s my way of saying, “its about time cause I’m tired pulling all the weight. Get up off your ass and do something and make something of your life. Go out and conquer the world like I know you can. I think that was why women out lived men. In the past, it was the man who went out to work 2 or 3 jobs to feed his family and died a early age either from cancer or from a heart attack, among other things. He would come home and put the money on the table all for the big piece of chicken. I’m not going to die from heart failure just so somebody can spend my money with the next dude.

      I believe in today’s society it take two to run a household and with as many checks coming into the household as possible.

      (How many women do you know think like yourself?) (How many women do you know that think just the opposite as you do?) I agree the emotional connection is important but unfortunately a woman (not you) can spend emotional dollars at the mall. They only take cash or plastic. Emotional doesn’t keep the lights on nor does it pay the bills. Lol why do you think sports areas are full? Do you really think the women are there just to watch the game? Do you think they are present for emotional support or looking for a spiritual connection as they cheer for the MVP of the team? In sports the ugliest dude instantly becomes fine and appealing before he opens his mouth.

      Look, on the real. Marriages are not lasting for 50 or 30 years anymore. People aren’t retiring (putting in 20+ years) anymore. Nobody want to payout on a 401K plus benefits. We are living in a microwave society where people want things in an instant. I’m sorry but women are turning into men and men are turning into women. It’s sad. We are attacking each other more than coming together.

      Did you watch the HBO special with Beyonce “Lemonade”? If not please do so. She made a leap from Destiny’s Child to having the understanding of an ancient mystery science system. To the average viewer this goes over their heads. Signs, Symbols and Signals are very important. In this viewing of Lemonade there’s a video that displays her wearing an Egyptian Anuk around her neck. Her words in her song and music, for Lemonade, matched what she was wearing around her neck. That was a powerful subtle visual affect that told me she knows something. It was ingenious. I wanted to call my people close to her camp to find out if it was her or someone from the outside that suggested it or glossed it over. I’m leaning towards she has grown and out grown Jay. If he don’t keep up she is out. When she calls it final the kids that follow her are going to take it to the next level and do the same.


      Heaven is at the foot of Mother…


  5. Good morning again Harlem,

    I had no idea who Archie Bunker is being born in the UK and after 1973 when the show aired in the USA a quick bit of research updated me on what this is all about and all I can say is wowzers! How can a show like that be aired on TV? I guess back in 1973 something like this wouldn’t have been a problem. It’s not still around now is it?

    So it is a change in view point that’s needed then if many man still think in the mind set of the ones who ” captured and conquered us” as you say… I think this will only really change when there is a bit more unity and this struggle for power between men and women calms down. eg who is the head of the house and who is not.

    Ha I just have to laugh at your comment on the you not dying early so a women can spend your money with someone else 😀 … true!

    No Sadly, I never saw the HBO with Beyonce’s Lemonade preview being this side of the Atlantic we don’t have HBO but I’ve heard so much about it. I also can’t count the times I’ve heard that Beyonce is linked to some sort of occult or ” New World Order” I’m really not sure what to make of it. All I will say is, that women’s attitude has changed a lot! From listening to her album I get the impression she has or is trying to embrace her blackness and show she does not shy away from it. I do also think that she feels she has out grown J-Zay listening to the track ” Don’t Hurt Yourself” showed me a lot about her, and how she sees him and her role in that relationship. Could this be a classic example of what you’ve posted about here the role reversal in men and women and sometimes women giving off the impression ” we don’t need you”. Personally, the message she gave in that song ” Don’t Hurt Yourself” impressed me not so much what she said but HOW she said it, not sugar coated pop! With sweet ‘ oh don’t treat me like this” lyrics typical of what would sell records and be radio friendly, she clearly told him in what I would call a classic ” black girl’s attitude” don’t f*ck with me boy! Or you’re gone, I can and will f*ck up all you’re shit that’s exactly what she sings in her lyrics !! LOL. If he did cheat on her with ” Rachel with the good hair” then good for her, I like the shift in her attitude, I can relate to that more than some sugar coated version I respected her a lot more.


    1. Good Evening Kim. All in The Family and other shows like it can be found as a series on IMDb. It has been called an American sitcom.

      As far as changing the point of view in men with shows such as “Rome” and countless others in existence it will be difficult to accomplish. As long as other countries along with its government fight for its right to “Rule” us meaning rule the world it again will be difficult. The Matrix was a great eye opening revelation of what’s going on behind the scenes. Overall, the change comes about when all people step outside of thier comfort zone, travel the world, see how people live, experience many cultures and have a burning desire to communicate and embrace humanity. When people study or do research they have to gather the Pros, the cons and the neutral to form an informed decision. This should be done for any topic and is rarely done. You can’t get people to read let alone talk about changing a dominated males point of view.

      There are so many dynamic’s to the division of the puzzle it’s almost embedded across the globe. There is big money in keeping us divided.

      Change and leadership come from the top down. As for unity, governments can’t come together. In fact as long as there is a “ruling class” I think we’d be fooling ourselves in thinking a change will come. As long as there is a system that projects a top, a middle and a bottom (the permanent underclass) unity will never happen. At least not in our lifetime, sad to say.

      As for the song “don’t hurt yourself” I love it. However, I wonder how the uneducated woman would interrupt her stance. Her lyrics gave the world a Mary J. bliege feel to it, pain wise. The black girl attitude head and eye rolling don’t Phuck wit me “boy” speaks volumes. I like it but it is out of control. She speaks on “Becky” the black mans lust for forbidden fruit. She goes on about how she can phuck his shyt up. Why bring yourself down to that level? Just leave. Don’t ask for or demand any money from him just leave. That will kill him and Revolutionize the why women go about handling her business and family matters. But people want blood… There goes your unity.

      There is no if he cheated. He did do something. There’s a saying, a man can have as many women he can afford.

      Almost every boy dreams about being admired and adored by many women. The music platform or stage fuels that desired energy. It places he or she in the position to be approached with offers and sexual situations. Now when a foolish man lands a bombshell like Beyoncé we tend to think we can do better, especially after it rains.

      Like I said i like her attitude but I can’t help to think how quick people will now throw there hands up while in a relationship.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Morning Harlem, hummm I am actually surprised to hear a man congratulate her on her new ”attitude” , refreshing I must say. But just to point out she does say ” and keep yo’ money I got my own, get a bigger smile on my own’ so your point mentioning she should just leave and not ask for money, is exactly what she was implying with them lyrics. The saying you can have as many women as you can afford is a cultural thing in some parts of west Africa. I used to work with a man from Ghana and he explained to me in his part of the world a man can have more than one wife *raised eyebrows* just as long as he can afford it. Man me stop and think when I heard that I don’t think I could do that. I don’t really feel women with throw their hands up and their relationships away more quickly with lyrics in ” Don’t Hurt Your Self” I think some women may just see it as a wake up call and make them stop and think… more empowerment to send a warning if you like ( just like the song does) that certain behaviours around infidelity will no longer be tolerated. I hope it just makes some women who may be in that situation stop, think, and know that they don’t have to take any form of unfaithfulness…. poor Jay-Z when I heard the album especially that song I wondered how he must feel about what she has said!


      2. Hey Kim. How have you been? I’ve been in and out of the Matrix so please forgive me.

        Hmmm, are people staying in lasting relationships? Are people staying together longer than 20 years? If not then I’m inclined to think people (women) are throwing their hands up. We live in a microwave society. Everyone want things in a instant. I think people all over the world with money think like “They can have as many women or men they can afford”. You friend in from Ghana is he Muslim? If not or so it’s still the same. This way of thinking has been around long before the birth of Judaism and Christianity. Can you name 6 species under god’s creation that stays in an one on one relationship for life?

        Beyonce’s money is longer than her fan base. I’m not too sure some of them can afford to tell a man to keep his money when rich people are applying for food stamps. Women will cheat, men will continue to cheat as money will prolong the enviable. Jay-Z is a Sagittarius and still young in mind. He has to be free and come to terms in his life. As long as he is still in the music game he’s going to feel like he can always replace Bea. All n all it’s his lost and someone will gain from it.


        Heaven is at the foot of Mother…

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Morning Harlem,
        Long time!
        Yes, I’d agree with the microwave society part and no, sadly couples don’e seem to be together for the long haul as they once were in our parent’s generation. I’m not sure why this is, but not 100% convinced this is 100% down to women throwing in the towel… equal on both genders. It is not easy for a women to throw in the towel especially if there are children involved. Sometimes, you have to for the best for you and your children – that said.
        I’m not sure what religion my Ghanaian friend was but I don’t think it was muslim as he drank and smoked and done all kinds of things that would not be granted under this religion.

        As for species that stay in one relationship, I am sure some animals ( non human) mate for life I think dolphins do if that counts! LOL

        Is this an observation you have made of Jay-Z as a man or something that is known of Sagittarius ? eg being young in mind what makes you say this.
        I think if one feels like you can always replace a partner you really should not be in a relationship or even deserve that person if you constantly think the grass is greener on the other side go to it ! And as my mum would say ” who don’t hear must feel uuummm humm”


      4. I’m not sure I said 100% It’s shared. Both sexes are at fault. lol, I think Whales do as well. Immature Sag. I was one of them. I can’t speak on “J” we both are creative and clever with it. You are not going to see us coming. We can become very complicated to others. We are easily frustrated or annoyed with others and tend to keep a very small click. I don’t study artist lives. I don’t get caught mainly because these people don’t know we even exist. Many of them don’t care to know about you or me. But what will say is either way Jay is in Beyonce’s life forever. Meaning their child. B can not look at her daughter and not see Jay. It is what it is. He will always have a chance to win her back. All he has to do is show growth and she’ll try to see if it will work but for now they need a lot of space. The grass is never greener on the other side of the fence. It’s just green and less traveled on presenting the illusion of a greener pasture.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Many worn out cliques are viewed incorrectly and not challenged. Like the saying, “You can lead the horse to the well but you can’t make him drink”.

        What if you ride that horse hard, to well? What if you feed it some crackers. I bet it will drink then.

        Liked by 1 person

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