Her Guy, On The Side

 When a woman selects a man to be her side guy, to do side shyt… He fails to embrace the sideness of her offering by catchin feelings about his position.

Her Guy, On The Side

 (1:00pm driving and his boy wants to get a bite to eat)

Maynard: Are you sure you got it together? You’re acting kinda bitchy to be the side nicca and what is this I hear you doing drive bys by that woman’s house then textin her talking bout “Humm, I see your man is home”? Her man lives derr. He suppose to be home.

Deltrick: I’m just sayin, though.

Maynard: Sayin what? You, my dude is the side nicca. Embrace the sideness. Ain’t no time to start catchin feelings. Don’t forget how you met that chick; at the club, a strip club at that.

Deltrick: Man! I’m not tryin to hear your bullshyt right now.

Maynard: She was at a strip club with her girls. Remember what I’ve always told you. Stay hungry, neva eva be thirsty. Handle yo shyt better nicca. Know your role and play your position.

Deltrick: Here we go…

Maynard: Now you’re doing the most and don’t  you be tryin to have a little side nicca hissy fit either.  Feel me?  You know Homie don’t play dat. You’re not the main course homeboi, you’re nothing more than fries on da side. She has to bring her own ketchup messin wit you.  Don’t get this shyt here, twisted.

Deltrick: But I be smashin though.  That’s all I know… (Cloud bubble to self… Rule # 1)

Maynard: Rule # 1, never get too phuckin attached cause it don’t belong to you. You are nothing but a Wal-Mart run. That’s what a boo does. Boo gets the hair and nails done. You do realize your name. Your name is Boo.

Deltrick: I ain’t no Wal-Mart run and who’s talkin about hair and nails? You see, you be trippin. Yeah, I got your Boo.

Maynard: Okay tell me something. How you gonna get mad at “Babe” when you’re, “the boo”? You suppose to stay on the low. You should just straight up kill yourself braaa. You can’t compete with Babe. You side nicca’s need to get out of your muthaphuckin feelings.

Deltrick: I hate telling you shyt cause you always ready to take it to the next level.

Her Guy, On The Side

Maynard: Your name is Boo not Babe. Boo is the side nicca that makes Wal-Mart runs. Babe pays the bills. You ain’t Babe. Only one quarterback gets to play, playa. Boo, that’s what you are, a Wal-Mart run. Boo, is hair and nails money, nicca. Your bitch ass gotta stop catching feeling.

Remember when you rented out a motel room for two dayz and she didn’t show. You sat up in the room cryin, eating crab legs and shrimp by your muthaphuckin self. I know that shyt hurt but that’s your role. She had to be with Babe those dayz and you had to sit in a motel lookin at your phone and holding your dyck like a little bioch. She didn’t even call you that time, did she?

Deltrick: You’re married so you don’t understand and it’s just like you to think like that. She tells me things my dude.

Maynard: I can’t stand you side nicca’s. If I catch a side nicca in my kitchen I’m gonna punch him in his bitch ass adam’s apple then kick him in his baby nutz. Let me find out you the muthaphucka that’s phuckin my woman. Anyway, so she tells you shyt? She tells you shyt you want to hear. She’s playing her position and feeding you da bull shyt.  Yo, just sit back and enjoy being # 2 nicca. Know the difference between a reward and responsibility.

Deltrick: Now you see that’s that bullshyt you be on.

Maynard: What can you offer her besides some dyck? You live with your mother and you drive your mother’s car. Nicca you work part time and that’s when you’re not high.

Deltrick: Whateva. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know what I got going on. I’m starting to feel a little hate in your tone. I’m starting to feel some type of way, my dude.

Maynard: Oh, I don’t know what I’m talkin bout? Why did you get upset when she posted pictures on FB and IG of her and her man hangin out having dinner? You ain’t suppose to catch feelings.

Deltrick: Ain’t nobody got upset or catchin any feelings.

Maynard: So why did you change your status to “Byches ain’t loyal”? You a side hoe, she don’t have to be loyal to you. Stay in your lane. You text her askin “what you doing”? She hit you back sayin “I’ll hit you back cause Babe’s around”.

Deltrick: See there you go not knowing what you’re talkin about. I changed my status cause that was how I was feeling that day.

Maynard: Del, you are suppose to do fun side stuff not make it complicated. You gonna get your ass terminated. When she post pictures of her kids and husband out on vacation don’t get mad cause that’s what husband and wife do. Why am I explaining shyt to you? Don’t you already know the deal?

Deltrick: Oh boy, can you please stop at the burger joint. I’m hungry.

Maynard: Don’t no chick want a side nicca out of shape and with a big stomach either. Have you looked in the mirror lately? How you plan on keeping that chick happy and all excited when you’re looking like that? Man, you gotta keep yourself up even if there’s no chance of her leaving her husband.  You can’t look like that. You gotta keep yourself toned, pleasant to look at, my dude.

On a last note, don’t eva ask that woman why her man gets to have sex with her without a condom and why you have to wear a condom? Is you crazy? Are you tryin to get her pregnant? You can’t go up in her raw. What’s wrong with you?  You sitting there getting all tender and shyt. That’s what happens to Brutha’s raised by their mother with no father in the home. You soft, boy and you be doin dumb shyt.

Deltrick: Now you’re steppin out of line.   There it is. Just pull ova. Wait, is that her car? Hold up. Slow down. Stop playin…

Maynard pulls over as Deltrick pulls out a 9mm and jumps out the car.  M yells out, “Bring me back some fries”.  Three shots ring out. In a panic, M pulls off leaving Del behind.  In the rear view mirror Maynard could see Del running up the block, for dear life, with gun in hand yelling, “That’s our spot”.

Harlem,

Heaven is at the foot of Mother…

#dumbshit