Cold Feet?

Some women are so hurt and disappointed with men they’ll remember to close their hearts but forget and keep their legs open.

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Look homie you just phucked up so now it’s time to hustle, hit the boards and rebound after a missed shot. Whenever you find yourself in the hot seat, paint a picture for her to dream a dreamers dream and create a story where she finds herself walking down the aisle all by her lonesome self. Just make sure you have enough toilet paper, to cover your bullshyt, just in case of an emergency and things back fire on your monkey ass.

After you’ve asked her to tell you what she is looking for in a man (and she answers you like a fool) reinvent yourself and become the nicca, I mean the man, she most desire. Some women are so desperate for love and affection they can’t wait to spill their guts. She’ll want to build a relationship and have a grownup conversation about her heart, her wants, her needs and desires. This woman will supply all the bricks and cement to smooth out your effort. She thinks she’s opening up to you but in reality she’s only opening her legs making it easier for the fox to invite the sheep, I mean invite her, to his den for dinner. Yeah, that’s what I meant to say.

After she has given to you all the answers to the test, which only an idiot does, you can now be the fake crab ass Brutha that you are, without any worries cause you now know all the keys to her heart. You don’t even have to talk about yourself too much. All you have to do is cater to her likes oppose to her dislikes. Act like you know nicca cause time is running out and the homeless shelter doesn’t have anymore beds for the night. She’s not going to be dumb for long, unless you lucked up and stumbled ova a winner, I mean, keeper.

You gotta play on her weaknesses, her desires and especially play on her dreams. Remember some of these women are fans of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. You have to examine your cards, determine what type of woman you have, plan and study your opponent wisely, as if you’re taking the bar exam.

When time is running out and the catch phrase introduce itself, “it’s cheaper to keep her” become the obvious, start talking marriage. Start talking about rings and long term objectives and shyt then sit back and just watch her little brain matter burn toast in thin air and let the fireworks begin. She’s going to start talking princess cut, emerald cut, rectangular cut, square shape and solitaire diamonds. Next will be the cake talk, wedding dress chatter and the infamous invite list.

Most women aren’t ready for marriage. They’re fascinated by the idea of being married. They have no idea or clue as to what it means being a wife and being a lifetime partner. Hell, you don’t even know what it’s about but it sure feels good acting like you know. Besides you got a year before the sand runs out of your hour glass and anything can happen within a year, right?

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The Bullshyt Offer Of A Lifetime:

What she doesn’t know or fail to realize is she’s probably planning on getting married to herself. Picture this, a woman in a white dress, walking down the aisle alone. Let’s not forget about the music. (Play it, Sam) She’s alone because he isn’t there mentally let alone physically. The show isn’t for him, it’s for her besides he checked out months ago. The show is for her, on her day with her peeps at her place of worship. He’s to be in the pictures and she’ll definitely use him to carry her gifts. (Kill the music).

He’s not going to be a real husband to her either; he barely was a decent boyfriend or a good one at that. He struggled in all of his relationships so what makes him ready now? He’s going to fake it until he makes it and If faking it doesn’t work, well by god he’ll faith it into fruition until somebody rain on his parade and turn on the light exposing his bottle of Thunderbird (hiccup).

For him, she instantly becomes connivance. There could be a few things on his plate to chew on like what’s the best way to avoid child support, additional bills, rent, car note, day care. Real talk, when rent is $900 but its split down the middle and his half amounts to $450, life becomes sweet and everything instantly makes sense. He’s not marrying you because he loves you. He’s not marrying you because he wants to devote the rest of his life to you and live with you for eternity. Get the phuck out of here.

He’s not going to tell you that he’s marrying you because it’s the right thing to do cause we got kids and he’s afraid of child support. What has the man that has purchased toilet paper that you can’t use, proven to you? Is he husband material? Is he truly qualified? What makes him qualified?

A man will try to hold down what he thinks he’s going to lose. So he will present the bullshyt offer of a lifetime. He’ll even make sure her credit is good. 750 credit score is a good start nicca ya’ll getting married, now. After she gets married and after she finally smell exactly what you’re cookin it will then be too late cause she’ll be on lock down. All she can do with your ass is just get upset, bite her tongue and walk around with an attitude. Cause she didn’t do her homework and now she’s tide down, bonded legally and she can’t do a muthaphuckin thing except nag, complain, hem and haw.

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Back 2 Da Reel:

Catch her while she’s not paying attention before she gets smart on a nicca. She thinks you are going to change into a good dude as soon as you get married but the truth is you’re only going to get better at your craft in hiding the truth from her.

Stage right enters the ring aka the false marriage proposal. This is to keep the benefits afloat until you find the next fool, I mean, move on with your life.

Look she ain’t going to be paying any attention because she will be too busy planning ya’ll wedding. Trust me, the time, the sweat and energy she put into the wedding, for one day, will never compare to the minimal time and attention your marriage will get and receive. Nah son, she’s too caught up in the moment of gifts, trips and wedding love from family and friends. It’s primarily a show or bargain sale for one day and one day only. Cause this is your life Charlie Brown. However, it does beat living inside a cardboard box holding a sign asking for money. When she took you out of the YMCA you thought God gave you a second chance.  Now this is how you repay her.

Word To The Wise:

Just keep in mind you are first married to a person in your heart (mentally) long before you walk down that aisle. You are also faithful long before anyone places any kind of ring on your finger. Your love for her comes before the ring.  You will give your life for her long before you walk that mile down anyone’s aisle. Take your time sweetie because a committed man will be there regardless. Know thy self and know the man that stands before you.

Food for thought. Grab a plate, then relate.

Harlem,

Heaven is at the foot of Mother…

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