What have you placed in my hands? Please help me understand why I am the way that I am. I have so much room for improvement. I’m in desperate need to have you close to me…
Why am I a horrible father? Why was I a horrible husband? Why am I a poor son to my mother? Why am I a poor excuse of a brother to my only Brother, bad uncle and a sad friend?
Why am I an absent father? It’s no wonder why my son wants to call another man his dad. Please send to me a bold conformation of your plan. Please allow me to understand. I am forever your servant, do with me as you see fit.
Why did you allow your son to die when you could have “saved” him? Why did you make him suffer? Who does that? What does that? Why didn’t you reveal yourself? On the collective the world has not gotten any better by your example of a senseless sacrifice. I need some answers. Why do you need to rest when there should be no days taken off? Talk to me, please.
Walk with me Lord… Speak with me. I need clarity. I was told to never question you but if I am a reflection of you why am I causing so much pain for others to bear? I am also told to never place a question mark where you’ve placed a period. Why can’t I question authority?
Please allow me to understand the plan. After all the misery I have conflicted unto other’s why am I spared? Why do I continue to push those that love me away? Why am I a loner? Why did I move one thousand miles away from my family only to end up in a strange state, in a strange setting with strange people that do strange things? Why did you see me here safely? What strange fruit do you now have to offer?
It doesn’t take much for me to cry, now. What did I do that was so horrible, in the past which lead me down such a shameful path? Why am I filled with so much sorrow and remorse? Some say if I ask the questions and should I be still the answers will reveal itself. I am ready for you to use me as you see fit; as it unfolds.
I will never get my family back. They are gone for good, possibility. Why have I sacrificed the heart and the mind of my children? Why am I just like my father; nothing to write home about, nothing to give a second thought? Yet, I continue to live. You must have jokes.
My son wants to call another man his father. He said that I’m not worthy of to be called his dad and he is right, and entitled to his opinion. I don’t blame him or hold him at fault. This is all my doing. I’ve been such a poor excuse of a man.
Why do you continue to bless me? Please help me Overstand why I am the way that I am. I’m a horrible father. I was a horrible husband. I’m a poor son to my mother. I’m a poor brother to my Brother. I’m a bad uncle and a sad friend. I’m an absent father in my child’s life. Please make me understand your plan.
I’m equally phucked up just like my father, who died a horrible death from AIDS. He infected his wife, my little sister with his reckless and selfish life sharing dirty needles to shoot heroin in-between his multiple prison sentences.
So tell me, what’s your plan for me? What horrible death do you have in stored? I’ve lost everything and everybody I cared about so help me Overstand? Until then continue to use me as you see fit. I’m nothing to write home about please help me understand your plan.
The voice of the voiceless, inspired by all those that don’t seem 2 Phuckin matter. I came, I saw I conquered them all will this be my “Final Call”? What dragon or demons do you wish for me to slay, today? I’m your spiritually crushed servant defeated, neva happy and always lonely. Do as you see fit. Humor me. Give me a sign. I am merely trying to be a better man.
(Cloud bubble to self… So many others have it worst. I’m just desperately in need for you to place your arms around me. Only you can set me free. Brutha is in need of a hug).
Heaven is at the foot of Mother…