Dear God…

God herself.jpg

Dear God

What have you placed in my hands? Please help me understand why I am the way that I am. I have so much room for improvement. I’m in desperate need to have you close to me…

Why am I a horrible father? Why was I a horrible husband? Why am I a poor son to my mother? Why am I a poor excuse of a brother to my only Brother, bad uncle and a sad friend?

Why am I an absent father? It’s no wonder why my son wants to call another man his dad. Please send to me a bold conformation of your plan. Please allow me to understand. I am forever your servant, do with me as you see fit.

Why did you allow your son to die when you could have “saved” him? Why did you make him suffer? Who does that? What does that? Why didn’t you reveal yourself? On the collective the world has not gotten any better by your example of a senseless sacrifice. I need some answers. Why do you need to rest when there should be no days taken off? Talk to me, please.

Walk with me Lord… Speak with me. I need clarity. I was told to never question you but if I am a reflection of you why am I causing so much pain for others to bear? I am also told to never place a question mark where you’ve placed a period. Why can’t I question authority?

Please allow me to understand the plan. After all the misery I have conflicted unto other’s why am I spared? Why do I continue to push those that love me away? Why am I a loner? Why did I move one thousand miles away from my family only to end up in a strange state, in a strange setting with strange people that do strange things? Why did you see me here safely? What strange fruit do you now have to offer?

It doesn’t take much for me to cry, now. What did I do that was so horrible, in the past which lead me down such a shameful path? Why am I filled with so much sorrow and remorse? Some say if I ask the questions and should I be still the answers will reveal itself. I am ready for you to use me as you see fit; as it unfolds.
I will never get my family back. They are gone for good, possibility. Why have I sacrificed the heart and the mind of my children? Why am I just like my father; nothing to write home about, nothing to give a second thought? Yet, I continue to live. You must have jokes.

My son wants to call another man his father. He said that I’m not worthy of to be called his dad and he is right, and entitled to his opinion. I don’t blame him or hold him at fault. This is all my doing. I’ve been such a poor excuse of a man.

Why do you continue to bless me? Please help me Overstand why I am the way that I am. I’m a horrible father. I was a horrible husband. I’m a poor son to my mother. I’m a poor brother to my Brother. I’m a bad uncle and a sad friend. I’m an absent father in my child’s life. Please make me understand your plan.

I’m equally phucked up just like my father, who died a horrible death from AIDS. He infected his wife, my little sister with his reckless and selfish life sharing dirty needles to shoot heroin in-between his multiple prison sentences.

So tell me, what’s your plan for me? What horrible death do you have in stored? I’ve lost everything and everybody I cared about so help me Overstand? Until then continue to use me as you see fit. I’m nothing to write home about please help me understand your plan.

The voice of the voiceless, inspired by all those that don’t seem 2 Phuckin matter.  I came, I saw I conquered them all will this be my “Final Call”? What dragon or demons do you wish for me to slay, today? I’m your spiritually crushed servant defeated, neva happy and always lonely. Do as you see fit. Humor me. Give me a sign. I am merely trying to be a better man.

(Cloud bubble to self… So many others have it worst. I’m just desperately in need for you to place your arms around me. Only you can set me free. Brutha is in need of a hug).

…Loser

Harlem,

Heaven is at the foot of Mother…

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Latest Comments

  1. BroSamHill says:

    God is good. And He is love.
    He created you for His glory. His to use as He sees fit. When put into action, it’s truth. Light. The open door leading those in darkness to light. Bondage to freedom.
    God sent His sinless Son to take your place. Christ took the punishment due for sin. No one else ever has to pay the price.
    God wants you to be happy and fulfilled. He can help you get for family back if you have faith in Him. If you have no faith (total trust and reliance).
    We who are in Christ rest in Him. The peace of God rules your heart by faith. Healing, like warm balm penatrating flesb and soul.
    God is not the god of confusion, satan is. He is a liar and the father of lies. Who told yoj not to question God? Why would you believe them without looking for yourself ? We are told in the Word to study to show yourself approved. Find out what God has for you to do.
    First you must know, admit and repent of all sin. Tell God you’re sorry for all the wrong you’ve done. You must forgive all that anyone, including yourself, have done the hurt you. Accept Jesus’ sacrifice for you. He gave His life, you must live your life for Him. That’s being a Christian.
    God will heal you of all wounds. You will be set free, you will be born again. You wil be whole and complete in Him.
    When you bevome one with God, you talk with Him as He talks back. The only way to true happiness is finding and doing God’s perfect will for your life. Nothing else is close to being as satisfying.
    It’s good you cry easy, your spirit is growing when ghat happens. It’s bad you call call yourself bad. Lies that satan ftell only come true if you believe it! Cry out to God!
    Enter His presence by thanking Him for Who He is. Great and Awesome! Thank Him for all the times He was there for you when you didn’t deserve Him to be there. He loves you, and wants you to know that more than anything else. Followed infinitely closely by His Holiness. Once You’ve repented from your sins (stop it and turn away from it and to God). Forgive anyone and everyone you have any negative feelings for. If you cannot forgive others, and give your sorrow, bitterness and shame to God, He cannot forgive you.
    If you stay in your sin, life will only get worse for you..?

    Like

    • harlematl says:

      Many blessings… Bro. Sam Our Creator is awesome. Thank you for your kind words. In my most humble opinion “God” is neither a “He” or “She”. Our Creator “IS”. According to the scripture that you are speaking, in terms of Satan keep in mind the character in the book was created by God. His most beautiful creation. Our Creator is responsible for ALL that happens. Since “She” is a root and a key to my existence I have to forgive… Now I said that purposely. You should count how many times you mentioned the word “He” and “Him” in your thread. There is no mention of “She” or “Her” nor its role. I truly appreciate your kind gesture but you’ve misread the intensions of this post. However, I do understand all that you’ve shared. Although it appears to be this post is not a surface post. It is a coded blog which implies a different message for the soul which will only resonate, to a few.

      Like

      • BroSamHill says:

        I refer to God as a ‘He’ because His Word does the same. I wrote what I did be caused I thought you were in need of encouragement. I must’ve misunderstood (not misread)

        Like

      • harlematl says:

        Bless you… In fact will always be in need of encouragement. Please continue to share. I will admit, in many ways I’m in great pain. This entire blog allow me to release it. Trust me when I tell you. I appreciate you and your insight.

        Like

      • BroSamHill says:

        I will continue to uplift, encourage and enlighten the body of Christ, as well as being a light to the world. Be blessed in every way as God prospers you.

        Like

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