I’ll Take The Ugly Chick

I’ll Take The Ugly Chick

For the past 13 years Brutha has been working his butt off and had little to show for it. He started to dive himself into his work and made the decision to change his lackadaisical tendencies and focus on what’s most important which is happiness. Some have given praises calling him a hard worker. To be honest, He has never been serious about a relationship, job or career until recently. Brutha just became a man by definition about 8 years ago and has discovered or come to the conclusion that it’s an on going process. The days of Nana and Papa are long gone and behind us, he said. It is rare that people will retire from a gig (20 years or more) nor see 50 years with one person.

For sure, Brutha has trust issues and I think he’ll never get married again. Too many petty issues arise. Besides, Brutha has begun to like sleeping alone and having the bed to himself. He doesn’t have to worry about somebody sleeping sideways or sleeping at the foot of the bed. Who does that kind of shyt? That’s just plain evil. He doesn’t want to negotiate sex, dinner plans, cooking, laundry, bills, none of that. He doesn’t want to worry about leaving the toilet seat up or about another person looking at him strange because he didn’t do something they thought he should be doing. In this stage of his life Brutha has enough to think about let alone to concern himself about what another person is thinking or whether if they are happy or not. It’s just too much work. It adds grey to the hair and possibly causes cancer (stress) to set in. No more PMS balloon deflating, pin popping, rug pullin situations eva again. Not for him.

Too Fine & Too Much Problems

 Brutha wants to be able to play video games without being checked. It’s a joystick and he’s home get it? He’s not hanging out with friends. He’s not at the strip club and his time is accounted for. Nahmeam? Brutha doesn’t want to play the phone tag game either, checking in which is more like punching in a clock. Some relationships are nothing more than another 9-5, hard work, a ball and chain. Who needs Sysphus Lot; carrying a ball and chain walking up a hill, dropping the ball and having to start all over again? Life is tedious enough. I guess he has some valid points. I myself don’t think I can take looking into another woman’s eyes and see nothing but her disappointment with me. God knows all I eva wanted to do is please and be the hero of the day. I guess Brutha does too.

Now I love me some yella, red to the bone, Sistah’s. Man I go crazy fo some of dat gudd shyt right derr, just sit on my face, pleaase, why don’t cha. Dey shyt don’t stink but Brutha said that he’s done with the career women, high to the yella, light bright skinned, pretty women of the world. Just give him an ugly one and he’s good, the harder to look at and the darker the better, I think. Phuck it I’ll take and make a new color in the crayon box, a special order, Blue-Black even. Um, yeah! That’s right. I’m wit Brutha. Phuck the color yellow. Give me one too. In fact, that one right over derr. Why do I feel like I just ordered pizza from Domino’s? Anyway, Brutha said, he can tell an ugly woman that he’s going to the moon and she’ll tell him to be carefully and make sure he has enough money to get there and back. She will be glad a nicca just come home at night. A ugly chick don’t want no problems. She’d just be happy a Brutha comes home and shyt.  Shyt, I bet a plate of food will be sitting in the microwave when Brutha get back too. Come to think about it I want one too. Give me an ugly woman, oh, but mine has to have a juicy fruit butt and together we can conquer the world and I too can remain focused.

I’ll Take The Ugly Chick

With an ugly woman in your home you don’t have to worry about any of her ex-boyfriends tryin to holla cause she ain’t got no ex-boyfriends and if she did they still ain’t tryin to holla. None of that “He’s just my friend”. Yeah, a friend that wanta phuck, that is. None of “Do you want to meet my friend” shyt either? Think I’m stupid? Don’t anwser that. Been der done dat. You don’t have to worry about any of your homeboys calling, or coming over your house waiting for you to get home; sitting up in your crib, sippin on your Patron, eatin up all your fried chicken, no suckin on no neckbone tryin to get a reaction, no watchin my cable, holdin da remote flippin channels and checkin my woman out. I don’t need anybody all up in my house, in my woman’s face when I’m not around. If I smell some coconut oil, if I see any Jamaican Rum in my house, if I smell a beef pattie I will kill a bycth. That type of shyt will make me catch a case or something. I just got in this town and I’m not ready to relocate. Don’t Phuck wit me. Humm, back to Brutha’s point. (Damn I started to get hot just thinking about it).

Bruh doesn’t want no more pretty or fine woman. They are too much trouble. You just can’t say no to a fine woman and think that’s all to it. Oh, hell no. A pretty woman will gas light some shyt and set it off up in here. They always come with fine issues and pretty problems. They cause a nicca to get sick and have a heart attack. That’s too much shyt to worry about. You gotta worry about where she at, what she’s doing, who she’s with and why she don’t answer her Phuckin phone. Besides, a pretty woman has a long line waiting for her love and trust me she knows it. I aint got time for any of that bullshyt. Let another nicca have those problems. A nicca like Brutha will jump ova 5 fine women to get at that ugly one leaning up against the wall, holding dat shyt up as if she move it’s going to fall down or somethin. An ugly woman will show you how to save and keep money in your pocket, run your bath water and rub you back where you say it’s sore. Plus, if a ugly woman leaves you, who gives a phuck? It ain’t like I’m gonna start drinkin or go and kill myself. Nicca please. If a ugly chick try to break out I’ll help her azz pack. In fact, I’ll do it for her. Man I’ll kick her ass up to the back of her neck if she try to start acting like she got pockets and something to put in em. I wish a gorilla would.

I’ll Take The Ugly Chick

When I think more about it, I guess we both have some trust issues. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be appreciated now and again. When a person jabs a 6” blade into your back and only pulls it out 3”, that’s not appreciation and that’s not progress nor can the foundation of trust can be built. Shyt, even if they pull the knife out all the way it’s still not progress. Trust begins when one tends and mend the wound. Many won’t even admit they placed the knife in your back in the first place. Nonetheless, a scar will always remain for all to see. It serves as a reminder of our past experience. (Cloud bubble to self… Just hope that ugly woman don’t think she’s cute or break fly on my azz). I’d hate to have to drop kick her butt to da crub.

I just wonder what Brutha meant by only going out late at night with an ugly woman. What does it mean to look both ways before coming out of the building and crossing the street? Not sure why he walks so far ahead of her or why he sprints to the car. I’m sure he will explain and clear up all the grey areas to me later. In the meantime, I’ll take the ugly one right derr, please. Thank you very much… Com’on baby, muah. (Damn can you get any darker?).

Harlem,

Heaven is at the foot of Mother…