Love & The Spreadsheet


The story you are about to read is true but the pictures have been changed to protect the innocent.

Alone in the car, waving my hands in the air, fussing with myself and cursing up a storm. The operator for OnStar Roadside Assistance must have overheard my cry which was actually a rant. I was lost for words when out of the blue a voice over the speakers said the following while I was in a confused state of panic and despair. She echoed in surround sound the following words of enlightenment.

“Some situations are not meant for you to change. Some situations are meant to change you.”

It would be a roadside journey I will remember for the rest of my life. Confused and lost, a moment of clarity presented itself.  When I look back on this event, I discovered the cost was minimum.  The rope thrown for a mental tow in life was priceless.


Love & The Spreadsheet

(Love is a dream come true)

When I was married, my wife and I were riding New Jersey Transit into New York to go to our respected job/career. We were having our own set of problems (money & sex of course) and as we were disgusting the matter she shared with me some information that would change the course of our marriage forever. She expressed to me that she wanted a marriage like Bill and Hillary Clinton. I will admit I had a Scooby Doo moment. Using my inner voice I was like WTF is she serious?

So many things ran through my mind at this time and it was crystal clear to me that I was not the one. She wasn’t talking like this when she wasn’t working and was looking for work in New Jersey. I mean nobody from Jersey was beating the door down to hire her. However she did appear humble when I introduced to her a New York Headhunter, a friend of mine, who placed her at the New York Yacht Club.

Love & The Spreadsheet

Love & The Spreadsheet

Trust me, because it gets better. I did notice a change in her when she left the Yacht Club and started working for New York City Housing in the”Contracts Department.” Mind you this was the same person who said she would never work in New York and that New Jersey would pick her up, soon. I asked her to please explain her statement (Cloud bubble to self… Before I go off up in here, up in here, DMX style).

Remaining calm, I stated that-that does not make sense. I followed it with “we are not into politics and our money doesn’t flow like that. I added, that their lifestyle keeps them apart and in my opinion it does more harm than good. I also mentioned, when I look at Bill and Hillary I don’t see love. I see a business relationship. I said what about love? She gave me that Tina Turner line “What does love have to do with it?” Then she quickly added (while turning her head to look out the window, “Love don’t pay the bills.”

Well hot damn, it’s on now. So I asked, “The Question”. I asked her if I were making “Bill’s” money would we be having more sex? She said without hesitation, “Of course… I ain’t no fool” she replied. (Side Bar) I left everything in New York to get married and to move to Jersey, so she could be close to “Her” family). “Tickets, tickets. Please have your tickets out. The next stop is Metuchen.”said the conductor. I looked away and handed my ticket to the conductor who said “Good Morning” and added, “Have a nice day.”

Love & The Spreadsheet

Love & The Spreadsheet

I looked down onto the floor to see if I could find my manhood and face so that I could place it back into my pocket, for safekeeping. Did I mention my ex-wife has a Master’s Degree in Finance? I was always proud of her accomplishments but apparently now this ghetto boy is not enough for this silver spoon sister (Bling) and I’m now being frowned upon. Her PhD thesis came in a form of an excuse that was submitted for publishing was well received.

As I looked out the window I thought to myself I’ve just been highlighted and red flagged. In Finance, it’s all about staying out of the red and cutting all loses. Some people call it trimming the fat. It’s all about the bottom line. Just like Human Resources main purpose is to “weed out undesirables.” She was in audit mode and I was being managed. In fact, I was placed within a excel spreadsheet for closure. Love and a spreadsheet don’t mix unless you have enough money to buy that spreadsheet.

I remember expressing to her she should have told me this before we had gotten married because if she shared this important info I would have never asked her to marry me. Then it suddenly hit me, after viewing her smirk. Why would she do that? How could I’ve expected her to tell me, from the jump, that she wanted a marriage like Bill and Hillary Clinton, she ain’t stupid. Her goal all along was to get married. She was the only one in her family who wasn’t married. At this point any fool would do.

Love & The Spreadsheet

Love & The Spreadsheet

Nope, not at all, she’s not the one whom is stupid, I was. By asking her to marry me I also asked for everything that comes with it. I ignored all the signs from the very beginning. I seen it, I even smelt it just thought maybe it would change, in time. Foolish thinking. A fish can’t change it’s odor. I thought the power of love would overcome our obstacles in our case.

I didn’t realize that her father raised her not to have emotions and not be emotional.  She must have been a man in her past life.  Despite of my ex-wife’s deception and being a liar, a cheat and a thief I nonetheless, have to look at myself.  My poor judgment of character speaks volumes. My ex-wife is not to blame for who and what she is. I have to look at myself, first. It’s never about the other person when it comes to “your life or love.”

It’s about what you do, how you do it, the lives that you affect and its impact.  In many cases we tend to pickup bad habits and show signs of displaying old family traits. As a child we are chiefly influenced by what we learn from home. We learn right from wrong and when we become adults it is our duty to figure out what is truly right and what is sadly wrong.

Love & The Spreadsheet

Love & The Spreadsheet

There will come a time when we all have to look at your parents and those that have influenced us the most, a hard look. Then we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and see if we reflect the same image.

If you don’t like what you see then it’s up to us to change that picture. Looking back I remember I use to run home from work. After that train ride I found myself taking the long route home.

Now divorced I hold tightly the lessons learned and I see what’s clearly staring back from the mirror. Whereas in the past I only looked at what was in the mirror.


Heaven is at the foot of Mother…

MiracleChallenge Week # 9

MiracleChallenge # 4

3 comments on “Love & The Spreadsheet”

  1. Since you have mentioned this as your story, which is true; I see the bravery to write that you have got to pass the situations and twists life gave you. All ended well for good unknown reasons.
    Thanks for using the prompts to write your story. And congrats for completing challenge no. 4: )

    Liked by 1 person

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